Paddington and parklife

As touched on in previous blogs, I had abandoned my quasi-home in Petersham for the delights of catsitting in Paddington. Much closer to the city and to Bondi, this also has the added delights of beautiful terraced houses with wrought iron balconies, and Centennial Park merely a stones throw away.

Early evening in Paddo

 

I hit Paddington market early Saturday morning, but was unwilling to pay 8 bucks for a small smoothie. So I wandered up to the park.Where I managed to get lost. Very, very lost. Turns out, it is a very large park.

 

But not to fear, I thought, it will be fine, I'll just check on google maps where I am. Well, it was a good theory. I was informed that I was in the middle of Oxford Street. Well if that was the case it had become very grassy and was covered in children engaged in some kind of sports day, and men playing some kind of incredibly violent version of frisbee. Which was very entertaining to watch but still wasnt helping me navigate.

 

So wandered around in the sun and eventually found the bit of the park I recognised from previous trips. At the same time I found the bats which I had previously failed to see in the Botanic Gardens. Apparently they were proving so destructive in their former location that the Sydney government blasted them out using incredibly large sound waves. Which would explain why several thousand of them now live in Centennial Park. For nocturnal animals, they are very noisy during daylight hours...

 

 

 

Although slightly less so than the bird life

After a brief refreshment stop I continued my wanderings. There is an amazing amount of variation. Huge plains of grass, swampy patches, pine woods, areas of tropical palms, waterways, euchalyptus glades etc.

 

 

It was by the following building that a strange event occurred. I suddenly noticed a large group of men walking towards me, many dressed in morph suits in bright colours and singing loudly while brandishing booze in the requisit brown paper bags. As they neared me I tried not to stare. Evidently this didnt really work as they started shouting at me:

 

"We've come for you! Guards! Guards! Take her away!"



 





I love random people.

All watched by a sinister black cockatoo...

 

Taronga times

After a few aborted attempts to visit the zoo due to cancellations of the sea-lion show (unmissable), we finally made it. Taronga is not only full of amazing animals, it is also one of the most beautiful zoos I have ever visited, with a cable car giving a birds eye view of the exhibits, and the stunning city skyline in the background. The giraffes especially luck out here, although the birds dont have too bad a backdrop either.

We ended up spending 6 and a half hours there, so naturally got a little bit tired. Luckily there were places to nap.

  

And we werent the only ones looking a bit fatigued

  



Lunch was eventful, in that a seagull actually landed ON my head. Very strange feeling which I hope will not be repeated. There was also the added hilarity of a dead pigeon right in the middle of one of the main paths. The school children were especially fascinated by this. Rather more so than the elephants next to it.

Got a bit up close and personal with a peacock...



But my personal favourite was the echidna stuck in the pipe

 

The meerkats got a bit overexcited 

 

Which the other animals werent too thrilled about

 



 

A weekend in the country

Playing catchup here - this was in fact the weekend of the 17th when we headed to the Hawkesbury river with Amanda and her extended family.

Played supermarket sweep round the nearest supermarket (me and Harri were the winning team - possibly because we were the only ones really committed to the game...) before loading up the tinny and crossing the water - all the more exciting in the pitch black, greatly aided by my head torch - I knew it would come in handy! Luckily the rain had stopped for 5 minutes so the hastily made bin bag onesies were not necessary...

A fantastic weekend was had, with far too much food, pretty much all cooked on the bbq. Played a lot of cards, drank a lot of wine etc. Played cranium with the winner getting to name one of Anthea and Jims new chickens. The poor things are now called Harri, Shenequa and Bobbyetta.

The location of the house is just amazing - right on the water with a great pontoon for sunbaking (when the sun was actually out...) The two banks of the river are a stark contrast - one covered in houses and a riot of colour (see pic below) the other a bleak rock face with trees clinging on for dear life.

 

 

Took off in the kayaks to investigate further up river and narrowly avoided getting run down by a seaplane. Smooth. Also completely forgot the whole 'sound travels across water rule'... David also caught a fish using his mad automatic fishing line things. Sadly by the time we noticed, something had already taken a bite out of it, making it rather less appetizing

 

 

 

When the sun came out we all jumped off the pontoon into the river, which was lovely and warm. Splashing around was rather caught short when they started discussing the various bull shark sightings in the vicinity though.

 





 

Bats and banana bread

My current view as I drink my diet coke and eat banana bread...

Parrots and cockatoos to my right, huge bats in the glade to my left.

Happy.

Relationship problems

Dear cat,
It is time we had a serious talk about the balance in our relationship. Currently, I am your slave. Forcing me out of bed three times during the night by meowing plaintively in my ear/outside the window is not kind. I am not the night doorman.

It is also perfectly ok to sleep next to me. You do not have to be draped over and therefore paralysing one or many of my limbs. I cannot cope with the frequent occurrences of pins and needles. I also cannot breathe when you are squashing my lungs.

Many thanks

P.s. your breath smells. Do not lick my face

 

Me and my tormentor... 

Manly Manly

Took a trip to the Manly Sealife Centre with Harri and Flo (all part of our amazing tourist passes - score!)

Not going to bore you with more animal chat - I'll save that for when I visit the zoo...!

Apparently Manly is home to a couple of penguins who like to cross the road and head into the local bars. Here, barstaff helpfully call the penguin patrol and alert them. In the UK, I'm pretty sure they would be swiftly natched to become someones new housepet...

The fish were pretty trippy (right) with the exception of the cuttlefish who looked deeply hungover. Not helped by their tank decor...

(Caption competition open...)

 



We were also lucky enough to witness what appeared to be erm, ray rape... There really isnt a much nicer way of putting it.

This was slightly made up for by the sight of shark affection in the form of fin cuddles. Nawwww

 

Parramatta Road

The bus ride back to Petersham is not the most scenic. So in order to remember when I am getting near my stop I started studying the shops. These go through stages. After the park, you hit the furniture shops. Further down there is Mario's Meat Market. Then you hit wedding central. This is where I get off.

Every other shop at least sells wedding dresses/formal wear. They are less tasteful and more gypsy wedding. As I take this bus route a lot, I started trying to identify the worst offender. At this point I must apologise. This is not an interesting theme for a post. But it has been quite a major part of my first month in Sydney so surely it deserves its place in blog posterity? Please excuse the quality of the photos (no, I wasnt going to go inside to request better photograph angles).  
 

So back to the competition. There were a great many contenders. This road is a sea of ivory, cream, chiffon and silk. Should the prize go to the full on meringue monstrosity -the skirt of which was probably about two metres in diameter? Or maybe this delightful combination of champagne taffeta, beaded bodice and diamante roses (pictured left)?

Or the charming take on the mermaid/fishtail look - the tail so oversized that the only way to walk in it would be a charlie chaplin style tightrope walk? I had a lot of love for these bridesmaid dresses (right) - very reminiscent of the Bridget Jones quote "for bridesmaids, furniture fabrics can work surprisingly well." Erm, not if these are anything to go by.

And then I found it. The dress which I would gladly wear down the aisle. Because (a rare joy) it would be just as painful for the congregation as for myself... Full length, more than 50% sheer, with  strategically placed sequins, it would not be out of place in Dancing on Ice. What everyone needs on their perfect day. To know that you are flashing not only your bellybutton and bottom cleavage but also a decent dose of underboob... 

 

But wait! Just when I thought I had reached the end of my quest. I rounded the corner and found the ultimate. The grotesque. The dress that me and Amanda cheerfully nicknamed 'The Peach Labia'. The dress which unfortunately I have to try on as a birthday favour for her... (I would refuse - but then I have been sponging off their hospitality for the last month, so really its the least I can do). Ladies (lets be honest, any gentlemen have stopped reading by now), I give you the best of Parramatta Road.

 

 

 

Australian landmarks, British weather

Frustrating day wasted with vodafone last week. By the time I left the shop, the glorious beach weather (perfect for an afternoon at Manly) had deteriorated.

So much so that the view from the ferry looked like this...

Fashion fauxpas

Three reasons why denim cutoffs are feeling inappropriate right now...

1. Its 11:30 pm
2. Its raining
3. Everyone else at the bus stop is wearing a suit

Oops

Kangaroo, Koalas and Chlamydia

So once and a while it is deeply important to indulge in tourist activities. In your own country, you dont even look twice at insane things like annual passes. Here however I have realised that $90 is really very reasonable (yes, I convinced myself) for an annual unlimited pass to 11 of Australia's top tourist destination. As they are about 30 bucks a pop I think this is justified. Feel free to disagree, its too late now!

So we kicked off with the Sydney aquarium and wild life centre (yes! two in one day! how much more awesome does life get!) Both were fantastic. Loads of underwater tunnels and amazing exhibits. Spent about half an hour staring at the insane frenetic platypus. Dawwwww so cute.

Highlights included the my first ever dugong citing - appropriately named 'Pig'

The worlds campest fish

And posing with the strangest shark/chainsaw I have ever seen...

 

Hmm yes. Cant work out how to turn that one the right way up... technology has never been my strong point.

Next we hit the Wildlife centre (conveniently situated next door). Managed to luck out massively by befriending one of the zookeepers and therefore getting a private tour of the entire place with all the background detail you could ever want. Also got to stroke the kangaroos. Felt a bit like being friends with David Attenborough. Well, almost.

The baby joeys were awesome. Especially when diving in and out of their mothers pouches. Thank god human babies cant do that - it looks excruciatingly painful. Amazingly (warning, animal trivia ahead) they can have three young at one time (not in the triplets sense). One that is out of the pouch, but still shoves his head back in to suckle, one that is growing in the pouch and another in the womb. I personally think this is incredible. If exhausting. Not the cleverest of beings though in some ways. One mother let two joeys climb into her pouch at the same time. Was a bit like the scene in family guy where Peter Griffin tries it out as a method of transport...

Charlie, Jack and Sid were also great fun. Think this is Jack. Naturally, he was asleep. But Sid gave us a great rendition of his mating call. Which was strangely quite similar to that of a hippo...

At this point we decided to tackle the subject of various popular rumours about Koalas. Starting with their constant hallucinations - which is apparently bollocks. Sadly. I quite liked that rumour. Feeling disappointed we turned to the Chlamydia question - which is true! A whopping 80% of Koalas apparently suffer from this! Ok that exclamation mark was slightly bad taste. Although naturally the ones in this precise wildlife centre are clean. Hmm suspiciously convenient...? Turns out it is a massive issue as almost guarantees infertility which means that there wont be many koalas around for much longer. Sad. And no, you cant use Koalas as an excuse when explaining to your other half why they are now testing positive... Bad luck.

Stopped by to visit Rex on the way out - NSWs largest crocodile in captivity, at just over 16ft. And still growing. Joy. Previous attempts to get him to breed have resulted in him eating his intended mate. What a charming bloke. Scarily long fingernails too...

 

Another saturday, another set of bruises

Headed out to Surry Hills to meet up with friends. Made the rookie mistake of walking from Central. Turns out there is a reason they are called Surry Hills... By the time I reached the Beresford was panting and embarassingly sweaty. Was almost glad of the long entry queue, the curse of the terminally late. I say almost - as the quarter hours rolled by I began to feel rather different.

Rescued from the horror of queuing by Harri, who brought sustinence in the form of vodka dc. Graduated towards the stage (standard) as the dancing became more um expressive. one of the guys generously volunteered to lift all the girls up there, cue screams from yours truly who realised too late was wearing a v short dress. Classy bird me. Hours later discovered there were actually stairs... Grrr

Just getting in to the old school nineties groove (the djs here seem to play the setlists we had at our school discos aged about 12) when the inevitable happened. Yes. I got impaled by another blonde six foot stiletto wearing female. My feet are going to be scarred wrecks at this rate.

Moved on to Spice Cellar which the guys promised was open till 10 in the morning, the thought of which filled me with geriatric dread. Turned out to be dance/house music at its worst. A room full of drunken people bending their knees slightly out of time and making insane hand gestures at the ceiling. So I put on my best white woman dancing face (the one that looks like a constipated duck) and joined them. Turns out you can get into it quite easily. But I wont be abandoning my 80s/cheese preferance anytime soon.

Woke up on a friends sofa in Bondi with tv on full blast, broadcasting a political analysis of the US election. I personally feel that this counts as my education/brain expansion for the week. Even if it was mostly subliminally ingested.

Walked to the bus behind a man who had clearly suffered from a drunken late night visit to a tattoo parlour. Beneath the telltale clingfilm and masking tape wrap, a little dolphin was clearly visible on his neck. He looked a little embarassed...

Hard to complain when you wake up to a view like this though...

Hmm what news?

Sitting on my bed listening to Muse, crispily sunburnt (that stage where you know that you are, but it doesnt show yet...) Still fuming from long and frustrating conversation with Orange (which cost about $10) and yielded no results. Grr.

Excited about the Melbourne Cup tomorrow - will be a big day here, starting off with some lovely chilled white in the Botanic Gardens. Yum. Cant wait.

Have been extending my tourist wanderings, visited the Chinese Garden of Friendship (on my own - sob sob, poor me....! Struggling to adjust to life without my Ella by my side) which turned out to be an amateur photographers wet dream. Much in the style of the monastery in Arequipa. Thank god for digital cameras.













Met a couple who had just got engaged and had decided to dress up in traditional costume to use as publicity shots for their engagement announcement. As two of the most caucasian looking people I have ever met, it was an interesting choice... but then people seem to turn quite mad when it comes to weddings!

Then met a water dragon whom I named Trevor. We bonded over our mutual love of sunbaking. Although he looks rather more regal doing it than me...

 He then took rather too much of a liking to my feet so I ran away.

 

Checked out Darling Harbour etc just to be thorough, studiously avoiding the KPMG logo across the water from me... Blimey its amazing how any place by the water can look stunning beautiful when combined with sun. Not that its not gorgeous. But its no London! Erm, yeah...

 

 

Typical night out

Great night out dancing with friends cut short when foot kebabed by freak in metal stilettos.
Luckily still managed to gangam style my way past a $20 entry fee so could dance to Britney while waiting for the bus home!
Picture of live foot bleedage spared due to phone battery issues...x

 

Bondi - surf, sand and sculpture

Heat wave predicted this morning - 34 degrees. Only one thing for it, head to the beach! Ah the benefits of funemployment!

Got up at 8 (shock! horror!) in order to beat the heat and headed for Bondi. Cleverly managed to leave all means of communication at home, so was relying on the old school 'we said this place at this time so fingers crossed' method, which generally never works these days. But it did! Fate obviously. Well, almost. I did get off at completely the wrong end of the beach and have to wander along the road looking for something that resembled the description of 'beach on the right, kids playground on the left'. Turns out I dont recognise a childrens playground when there are no kids in it. Probably due to blocking out all things to do with children until they make so much noise that I physically cant...

Bondi ticks a lot of boxes where beaches are concerned. Sea varying from a turquoise green to a deep blue, white sand, topless muscular men posing with surfboards, topless muscular men actually using said surfboards to surf (less frequent in the UK, they normally just stay with the posing on the beach). Add stunningly beautiful topless women to the mix (intimidating to the pale and untoned) and you have a pretty good idea. The possibly Brazilian boys sitting nearby were certainly appreciative, if in Portuguese which I cant pretend I understand. Although at one point I'm sure I saw them look at a nearby female and say 'Camembert'. Hmmm strange behaviour, surely?

Headed round the rocks to check out the Sculptures on the Sand exhibit - absolutely fab idea, if a slightly mixed bag! Some were great such as the faux paper boats, the huge VIEWTM sign obscuring the view, and the bamboo windmachines. Other less so, notably the strange jelly like creatures stuffed in the crevasses of the rocks. Think the kind of plastic caterpillary things that kids play with, but left out in the sun to melt slightly and get sticky and dirty. Mmm.

Discovery of the day was at the icecream stand. Where we have Twisters, my personal favourite, over here you get Cyclones - ten times better! Raspberry lolly replaces the vanilla ice cream, apple lolly replaces the lime and the central flavour - peach I think? Was totes yummy! (as the kids say these days...)

Journey home was uneventful - an improvement for me as it means I didnt get lost! Achievement! Wonderful moment walking past an apartment block and noticing a black thong sticking out of one of the letter boxes with a postit attached 'you left this behind'. Love it. Just what you want to find when you come home after a long day at work...

Huge storm threatening to break (as long as that is thunder and not the sound of aeroplanes... i'm strangely muddled). Maybe this will be the night when I finally manage to use the toilet without checking under the seat for funnelweb spiders. Thanks go to Mr Naughtie for that charming mindfook. My paranoia knows no bounds...

Bx