Feuding flatmates

So I have unwittingly started a feud with my housemate.

The other day I went out leaving a large cockroach under a glass in the kitchen. I would argue that this was less of a gift for Kirk and more because I wasnt sure of the best way to kill it without spreading cockroach eggs everywhere... However it would seem the gauntlet had been laid.

For when I innocently woke up the other morning and headed to the kitchen for a modest breakfast I found a large sign which read "DO NOT OPEN. Have a nice day"

Naturally I read this as DO OPEN. So I eagerly walked forward thinking "oooo maybe its biscuits or something tasty!" to be confronted by a bloody huge huntsman spider. To my credit I didnt scream. But I did lose my appetite.

So from a cockroach to a spider - it has been pointed out that this could potentially get dangerous.

He deserves it though - he has merrily been informing his friends that "we had to remove a tick from our housepet the other day!"

Hero Hussey (or pissed in pink)

An overexcited group headed to the SCG for the third day of the test match vs Sri Lanka. As it was also Jane McGrath day, all were decked in the most outlandish pink outfits they could find. In addition, zinc stick was being liberally applied as a tribute to Michael Hussey, and wide brimmed hats were to be worn in tribute to Tony Greig. All in all a day of memories, with the crowd out to make it memorable.
 

A fantastic days play, with highlights from both teams was punctuated by the usual audience participation to get through the slower overs. The beach balls were out in force, being aimed as subtly as possible at the hovering (and armed) cops, before inevitably crossing over onto the grass and being conviscated by the stewards. The commentators were also off on their usual tangents - we were informed that Sri Lankan tea was "very nice and comes in many different flavours!" Good to know.

Also popular were the huge homemade signs - the obvious tributes to Hussey etc interspersed by "show us your Johnson" (nice) and my favourite "GO AUSTRIA". Erm yeah ok...

And of course the pink theme strayed over into cross dressing for the majority of male spectators. Bikini tops and bras were everywhere. By the end of the day, they seemed rather less enthusiastic to discover they had burnt appallingly and evidence of their costume would be branded on them for weeks to come. Similarly, artistically placed sun cream (smiley faces and various charming messages).

The addition of a beach (Coca Cola sponsored) to the stands was the cause of great envy for many. Complete with a pool and lifeguards, it was hardly surprising as the sun baked on and the beer flowed that various people attempted to break past the bouncers. One man, appropriately dressed as a frog, launched himself over the high barrier into the pool only to emerge in dripping disgrace to be escorted from the ground by waiting policemen.

The people's favourite for the day would go to little Phil Hughes. The gallant pint-sized warrior rescued an errant beachball from the outfield, and avoiding the hovering stewards returned it to the crowd resulting in huge cheers (well, his throw almost missed the stands... not very good for a cricketer... but it did just make it!) For the next ten minutes he had only to turn round for a standing ovation.

 

 

However the day was Hussey's. Australia was out in force to show its support for the cricketer as he played out his final test match. Shouts of Hussey! Hussey! eventually forced the hand of Michael Clarke and the ball was handed over for a quick bowl. Unfortunately, he got a bit spanked by the batsmen, but the sentiment was there. He did at least bat out the final day to win the match for Australia.

Personally, I was incredibly proud to hear the commentators announcing that the crowd on the 3rd day were the "loudest and most enthusiastic they had ever heard". Damn straight.

 



Tick tock make it pop (sorry ke$ha)

So it turns out karma really does bite you in the ass.

Having laughed heartily at David's tick, this arvo I found a wierd bump under my anchor tattoo (located in the aforementioned site).

Surgery had to be performed by a hastily sterilized leatherman. When Amanda couldn't get it we had to call in Kirk. Im not sure who was less keen at this point, him or me...

Definitely a bonding experience for the flat. One which we would all rather forget. I will spare you any photos.

Musings from Mackerel

Headed to Mackerel Beach for a friends birthday. During the long drive there (it's at the north point of the northern beaches) we travelled down Barrenjoey Road. Poor joey. Every day I find another name I like more!

Having started overcast, by the time we reached Palm Beach the weather had started to clear. Unfortunately, we also discovered we had missed the hourly ferry, probably as a result of having to stop at four different chicken shops before we were successful. However, just in case anyone accused us of not making enough effort, we ran the last bit of the way. Wearing only flipflops, I lost both within the space of half a minute.

So we had no choice but to sit on the jetty and have a cider, while admiring a large dog that closely resembled a cow.

The ferry was well worth the wait though - with Mackerel as the last stop, we got a tour of the whole bay, set on the edge of a National Park so mostly only accessible by boat.

We hopped off at Mackerel and spent a great few hours barbequeing and more importantly eating. As we consumed sausages, steak, salads and three different kinds of chicken, the dog happily regurgitated ham all over the front steps.

Mackerel was beautiful with houses right onto the beach and others climbing the rocky cliffs of the bay. Luckily for us lazy people, the house we were in was literally at the end of the jetty. No climbing steps for us! However one of the other houses had overcome this in rather an unusual way - by having its own fernicular railway, or 'inclinator' as I was informed it was known as, alongside other, erm, embellishments...

 

A walk was suggested as an attempt to balance out the enormous lunch. However, the decidedly English weather posed a problem. Some opted to solve this in more creative ways than others.

We observed such highlights as wallabies grazing on a front lawn:

A tree struck by lightning?



 



Were tempted to climb these

And ran into a friendly neighbourhood Komodo dragon...

 

Ok so it was only a model, but it scared that crap out of me!

 

Then it was back to the beach to catch the ferry home - it was really a shame to leave. A fantastic day, not even ruined when we found a tick on David on return to the city... Serves him right for giving me a lowdown on the drive home of all the things in Australia that can kill you!

 

 



A spate of sharks

Sydney has recently been besieged by shark sightings, left, right and centre. And while the native Aussie's tut and turn away, the slightly mentally challenged tourists (myself included) are all ears, wishing they could have been there and googling madly to discover the details. Which, given the standard of some of the reporting, can be seen as quite amusing...

The first occurred while we were in Hawks Nest, with a man losing two fingers near Port Macquarie.
A witness stated: "He was just out there. There was a heap of dolphins like there has been around here, swimming around him. And all of a sudden, the shark has just come up and took about three chunks out of him. And then he just got his board, and actually put the nose of his board into the bull shark's head."

Or as the Telegraph put it "the 29 year old man attacked by a shark this morning seemed in good spirits"


To be honest - they had a point...

A few days later, Dee Why (what a name!) and Long Reef were shut after another shark incident. In this occurence a surfer was shunted off his board by an unknown force. On returning to the beach he found large teeth marks in the bottom of the board. When questioned on how this had affected him he acknowledged that it wouldnt stop him surfing. But he might have a few beers first. Great.

In the last few days sightings at Bondi and Manly have had everyone out of the sea. Or rather, standing in the shallows trying to see the reported shark by the looks of the photos published in the papers...

My reaction has been to sign up for surfing lessons, in the hope that one day I can feature in a photo like this one:



Although if you believe the pics, it would appear that the beach isnt much safer...




Not to worry though, my news for the New Year is nothing like this exciting. I have broken yet another toe falling over the coffee table. Start the year as you mean to go on eh.
 

NYE: kettling coppers and ancient entertainments

After meeting old friends for lunch in Manly I rendezvoused with Suze outside liquorland. Its the place to be. It was also packed with people similarly seeking to avoid overextending their credit cards by attempting to drink in any of the bars hosting NYE events... Oh god no!

On return to circular quay, chaos reigned. Herded off the ferry like sheep, with police officers interlocking arms on either side. Anyone attempting to break free was viciously returned to the prearranged path. So having being forced to exit the station I attempted to reenter it to get to the neighbouring quay to the one from which I had exited. Which also proved impossible. When I questioned one of the policeman as to why the entire station was fenced off by metal gates he replied that he had no idea and was himself trying to get to the other side. At this point a woman in the 50 people strong ticket queue collapsed and more policemen rushed in. I gave up. Fate was evidently telling me to get the train from a different station.

Headed to a harbourside apartment rented by some friends of a girl who was a friend of a friend of mine. The elaborate subterfuge that goes on to get into a harbourside apartment...

After drinking our liquorland purchases we headed out to Luna Park, arriving just in time to get a prime viewpoint to watch the 9 oclock fireworks. From our position the view was amazing. I particularly liked the silhouettes of the boats lit up on the harbour.

Our entry was slighlty impeded by my fear of the front gate. But only slightly. I was very proud of myself.

 

 

Then we were in! A dearth of adults ran round, glorifying in the over 18s only policy. From an early stage it became slightly obvious that alcohol and rollercoasters did not mix. We queued for the waltzer while trying to avoid the increasingly dirty white bra that was being thrown around over our heads. Some people have such great ideas about what constitutes 'fun'.

 

 

Having dismally failed to meet with other friends at the same venue, mostly due to the curse of mobile phones simultaneously breaking on NYE we headed to see the midnight fireworks. They were spectacular. Even the Kylie Minogue lips that blew Sydney a New Year's kiss...

Back at the harbourside flat more drinking and merriment ensued. The Scottish residents were slightly disenamoured to discover that the three Southerners present had been following a 'smile and nod' policy due to the combination of a strong accent and severe slurring rendering them completely unintelligable. I eventually struggled home - still rather amazed that I managed to change trains without falling asleep. As I stepped out at my station, two men yelled "Happy New Year!" I narrowly avoided reacting badly to what I in my semi- addled state took as someone yelling abuse.

 

Fell asleep on the sofa wondering vaguely whether it was really safe to spend time on a rollercoaster that boasted a sign stating 'built in 1963'.

 

 

Dawdling dolphins and caterwhalling koalas

 

After a quick pit stop in Sydney to pick up some clean clothes we headed north up the coast to Hawks Nest. Like the tourist I am, I found many delights along the way, the first being 'fauna bridges' over the freeway. Very similar to the ones we spent so long making in Kenya. Nice to know we werent being entirely nuts.

I was bewildered by multiple signs to 'U Turn Bay'. Until I realised it wasnt a beach, it was a direction for drivers. My brain really has turned to mush.

Hawks Nest turned out to be a beautiful coastal town with a distinct holiday feel without being tacky or overly touristy. Signs everywhere proclaim the presence of koalas. Just stopped myself asking "how do the koalas know that the sign says koala crossing?"

Stopped off to see the beach on which Amanda and Kirk got married before heading to meet the rest of the guys at the golf club where it was bingo night. Dont laugh. It was awesome, if extremely stressful and ultimately unfruitful.

 

Beautiful white sand with only a handful of people made for a great few days - despite the Australian insistence that everyone on the beach be in one place to avoid sharks/jellyfish/drowning/surfing accidents etc. This looks very odd to the average Brit who will walk miles to find a spot where they cant see anyone. But does make a certain amount of sense.

 

To my utter joy, within five minutes on the beach we had spotted a pod of dolphins. Plunged into the surf for a great ten minutes of being tossed around like a leaf. Emerged looking like a drowned rat with nose dripping like a tap. Elegance personified.

After lunch we headed to a different spot, round the corner on the lagoon. Usually a picture postcard of aqua water and blue skies we arrived in time for an epic electric storm (these seem to be becoming a motif of my stay so far). The rolling clouds and crackles lighting up the sky were in stark contrast to the calm waters and powdery sand. Twas gorgeous.

 

The next day (after a quick stop via a trashy tourist warehouse) we headed to the estuary, which boasts some great mangroves. You wade right up into them (tide so strong its a great workout!) and then float all the way back. This provided a great opportunity to get to know my new friend Raymond. Don't laugh. He is amazing. And the perfect partner to David's Gerald.

 

    Amanda, me and Raymond (the ray)                                           Gerald the giraffe

Went for fish and chips, perfectly timed to catch the sunset on the way home. As the sky faded from orange to red to pink, three more dolphins appeared. Despite valiant attempts, the fighting pelicans couldnt attract our attention away.

 

The trees surrounding the cabin were awash with lorekeets and other parrot like species. I was in heaven posturing with my camera. Wish they hadnt made so much noise though.









Although the noise of the birds was nothing to that of the male koala, whos mating call started up on our last night. Despite never seeing the culprit the strange chugging donkeyesque cry had the neighbours running out searching for a wild pig. Cue gales of maniacal laughter from us (more Balderdash had pushed us over the edge into hysteria...) This was further aided by the sunburn of the day reaching its peak...